Abarai Renji

If only tonight i could sleep. I think about what i know. The knowledge i have now only brings me down. I have to find a way to forget. Never forgive. Just forget.

I was thinking about how much does it take for one person to get over someone. I guess my guess wasn`t even close. I wallowed in pain-filled memories. I wandered in the land of no forgetting.

I don`t know how to live. I never did, and never will. They told me this. Like it`d matter to me. I tried to make peace with myself and embrace this. What a stupid choice that was. I asked questions i didn`t want the answers for. Why? Just to hurt myself more and more? And what if she continued her life after a couple of days after my leaving? Who am i to judge her? I`m not a part of anything even remotely related to her anymore.

Even tho` the answers “pushed like a knife into the veins”, they set me free now. I am no longer attached in any way of any memory. I am just a man walking lonely. For a while at least. I am lonely on my way, but i was never alone. And i`ll never be. So! You there! Live a long and happy life! Your way! I will live mine as i know best. Surrounded by friends who love and support me. And probably I will find someone like me someday. IF I haven`t found her already.

So, I shall make my own future, free of all hatred and sorrow. With kindness and good. I`ve never done harm to anyone, nor will i ever do. This will set me free of every blade you stuck into me. This will make me happy. I will no longer linger in your bitter memory. I am Chris. And i`ll always be. I don`t need you for that. Not anymore.

And, as a final resolution, as a best friend once said : “If you see me, please walk on by”. I will not know you, I will not hear or see you.

Arigato gozaimashita …


3 Responses to “Farseer”

  1. TehAuthor Says:

    oh, poor little crow hes hurt…. NOW GET THE FUCK UP AND FLY!!!! Stop the self pity shit, it’s not for you

  2. “I was thinking about how much does it take for one person to get over someone.”
    I heard it takes as long as the time that was spent together with that person. I sure hope they’re wrong. 🙂

  3. Sorina Says:

    This whole thing reminds me of the song “Was it a dream?”

    “Yeah, I’m a selfish bastard,
    but at least I’m not alone..”

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