Things

It`s not a particular “her” I miss. It`s just the feeling. I just miss the trivial things. Like biting her lip, looking at me or putting that rebel strain of hair behind her ear. Waking up next to her warm body, twisted in some awkward sleeping position. Kissing her forehead before I leave for work. And so much more.

But, as time passes, I get used to the idea. The moment I started to embrace my state and not care, was the moment I realized I didn`t need a relationship to be myself. To be who I really am. Something I have forgotten a long time ago. There were some triggers to that, of course. Some random chick telling me I`m handsome, on the street. A friend asking me if it hasn`t been too long since I`m single. Others trying to drill my mind for answers. All of this made me think that I am always myself. That I don`t need anyone in particular.

I sail through life, day by day, with meaning and purpose. I have a great job, a few great friends and time for myself. So much time for myself. I`m rediscovering myself. I make myself laugh from time to time, just thinking how many stupid mistakes I`ve made through the years. I used to think I was in control. But I was delusional. I was losing every battle. Even with myself.

I am not unhappy. I am not alone. I am not broken. I am myself. I`ve found myself in a dark hole and pulled myself up. No one can help you if you don`t do it yourself. They will try, but will fail miserably. Not their fault. They just can`t understand how your brain or heart works. They know themselves and think they can apply the same rules to everyone around them. That`s the biggest mistake they can make.

The light shines on on the same path, every time. You`ll find it in as many tries as it takes. Never give up. You`ll always have to embrace the darkness to find the light.

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