Punishment

Every day is a struggle. Not in a common sense, as in a fight for survival, but more like trying to stay sane. Demons run around, and I cannot catch them all. Even if I could, where would I put them all? My own hell has more than enough of its own. I grow tired of carrying this burden by myself. I lift myself up for a day or two, just to fall back down, derailed by the ignorance of others.

I started to revise my rules, my principles and my standards. Maybe I was wrong, here and there. They all seem to be in place. But something`s not right. The whispers toned down lately. Nothing good ever came out of silence. I`m at peace when I`m not the only voice in my head. Now, all I seem to do is run around, stumbling in the darkness, listening for a familiar whisper. Have I been forsaken? By my own insanity? Have I crossed a line I shouldn`t had? Or maybe it`s just the calm before everything blows over.

I`m not scared.

I close my eyes and inhale the smoke once more, trying to calm my blood. It rushes through my veins, unsettling me. There`s nothing out there for me to see. Neither on the inside. It`s all quiet and dark, as it never was. What am I running from? Nothingness? It`d still be better than what I expect. But time passes, and I get weary. I summon my last strength and open up a new chapter.

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows it to be. I`m in charge of my mind once again. Once I open up my eyes, everything will return to normal. Just breathe deep.

And smile.

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One Response to “Punishment”

  1. Aranka Says:

    Milk for the ugly… If you get the chance. That’s where the demons go.

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